Written: 12/28/2021

Today I did something I don’t think I’ve ever done before. During prayer, I felt a tug to grab my bible and I held it close, tightly to my chest. As I held it, the more the tears began to fall. The tighter I held it, the closer I felt… to God.. to His strength.. to His peace.. to His power. For it to be the last week of the year, I feel myself experiencing emotions I fought hard not to get caught in—depression and anger, most of all. The past two years, the last three months of the year were the hardest, ever. I was determined to not let that be the case this year. Though life’s circumstances surely warranted it, I decided that this year would be different. And so it was.. so it has been. The joy I’ve felt in this (holiday) season has been the greatest I’ve felt in years. There was so much to look forward to—weddings, traveling, teaching, time with family and friends—it truly overflowed my cup. This year, I tapped into a confidence and security that I have never known and I can only thank God for it. Nevertheless, the past few days, I’ve found myself in desperate need of Him like never before. It’s as if He’s said, “now that that’s all over, I know what you really need. Here I am.”

I mean.. who am I that He’s so mindful of me? No matter how strong I try to be, it really doesn’t compare; I am still in need of the One who is stronger. In my weakness, I realized that this isn’t the first time I’ve needed my Father and surely won’t be the last. I mean, I’m only 27 years old—there’s way more to life than what I’m currently facing, right? And surprisingly enough, I found comfort in that. My God has been with me before, He’s with me now, and He’ll be there with me then. His Word is true and as long as I hold it close, every word will forever be true. No matter what I face, my prayer is that The Word will always be where I run first; whether I’m on the mountain top or in the valley low, whether I’m sick in my body or fully healed, whether I’m in need or lacking nothing, I would always hope to seek Him first. It’s tempting to fall away when life gets tough, I surely had my moments where running away seemed like the safest option. Where life with God, where it doesn’t hurt, seemed better than life on Earth. Finding comfort in the things of this world, even; but as for me, I decided His Word would be my hiding place instead. Wherever He is, is where I want to be. Nothing else satisfies, nothing else fulfills.

As the year closes, there’s a song that’s been on repeat. It’s my declaration for these last few hours, even more for the year to come. I expected so much for 2021, 2020 was a whirlwind; yet this year blew me for a whooooole other loop. Between adjusting to a new work schedule, starting my masters program, struggling to find time for God and everything in between, life felt out of control and I didn’t know what to do to get back on track. I faced an all time low, where going to sleep was hard and waking up was even harder. Sure enough though, I found my way. I don’t know what next year will hold, and quite frankly, I have no other hope or expectation other that whatever the Lord has for me. Nothing else matters if I’m not where He is. Because I will build my life upon His love, it is a firm foundation. I will put my trust in Him alone, and I will not be shaken. Wanna know what else? All other ground is sinking sand.. on Christ the Solid Rock I stand. (this is the Tribl version btw, thank me later for the praise break).

I held my bible close as these words played in the background because in that moment, I believed that nothing else could get me through but His Word. That there was nothing I would rather build my life upon than His Word. I may not be able to see what’s next, I may feel like I’m walking in to a new year blindfolded; but I tell you THIS WORD will be my guide. I know Him for myself and no matter what changes in my life, this one thing never will. I’m walking this narrow path; I’m running this race; I’m fighting this fight. You can hit me with your best shot, devil. But I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’m standing on a firm foundation, and I will NEVER be shaken.🎶

That’s my year in a post. You’ll see more of me in the next.

Until next time . .

“And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” - Matthew‬ ‭16:18‬ ‭(KJV‬‬)

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.” - Matthew‬ ‭7:24-27‬ ‭(KJV‬‬)

song reference: Tribl - Build My Life