be as little children

From my first flight at the age of 6 or 7 to California with my grandmother all the way up until now, I’ve always had an excitement to sit near the window on a plane. To gaze upon the skies and the cities below—something I always look forward to. The rush of taking off and the bumps of landing too, are always an adventure. And some may think that at this point, twenty years later if you will and after flying a number of times, the excitement would have died down. But for me, it hasn’t. And I hope it never will. 

As I look out the window now, gliding above the clouds, it reminds me of God’s invitation for us to have a child-like faith. No matter how much you’ve experienced, no matter how much you know or think you know, you can never reach a place where you don’t need or won’t need God. Scripture even tells us that lest we become like little children, we will never get into the Kingdom of God. 

I watch other travelers who seemingly appear to have no interest in what’s outside their window. And I’m not judging; maybe they’re tired, traveling is indeed exhausting; maybe they are terrified of heights; maybe they’re a business traveler and after 254 flights this year already, it just doesn’t phase them anymore. I get it. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes that makes me want to shrink back because I think.. maybe I’m doing too much. But truthfully, when I think about it now, I again hope to never get to a place where the beauty of God doesn’t excite me. 

To be on a plane in itself is enough wonder for me; if you know me, you know I could sit and watch them take off for hours and be at total peace. It’s just something about knowing that there is some One greater than me out there that allows for this to be. That something so big and massive can defy gravity and take me to heights I could’ve never imagined—it really just blows me away. Traveling is a passion of mine and I plan to hide this treasure in my heart forever. 

So I hope this reminds you, if you’re in a place of routine or mundaneness, or have simply been too busy to stop and see God in His fullness, just take a moment to look and see the beauty in all that surrounds you; the beauty and splendor in God Himself, creator of Heaven and Earth. He is in everything. Never stop seeing the world the way He sees it. Tap back into that child like wonder. No matter who’s watching.

In the air, I feel so much closer to Him. And there’s no place I’d rather be. 

Until next time . .

“Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” - Matthew‬ ‭18:3-4‬ ‭(NLT‬‬)

“When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.””‭‭ - Mark‬ ‭10:14-15‬ ‭(NLT‬)

“But Jesus called them to Himself, saying [to the apostles], “Allow the children to come to Me, and do not forbid them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you and most solemnly say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God [with faith and humility] like a child will not enter it at all.”” - Luke‬ ‭18:16-17‬ ‭(AMP‬)

You’re Exactly Where You’re Suppose To Be

So I know I joke a lot about working from home, and I don’t do it because I don’t like it. I like it… (for the most part lol) and am beyond grateful that God blessed me with a job that allows me to do so. I will probably throw a fit whenever they call us back in to the office(which looks like no time soon) but will also silently leap for joy because living alone AND being in the house days on days on days can take a toll… and this week, it did just that. 

The past couple of weeks, I’ve been contemplating and processing where I am in my life, overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions of not doing enough. Of not being enough. And as an effort to combat those thoughts and emotions, I started a new morning routine this week that I hoped would make me feel better . . . long story short, it didn’t. 

Routines are great, what I’ve realized however, is that they are NOT for me. Not in this season of my life, at least. As much as I would love to have every day figured out, every content post planned and ready to go, every meal already prepped, it just doesn’t work for me that way. AND THAT IS OKAY. 

For those who know who I work for and what I do, you know my job has me in routine enough; let’s not talk about the people I deal with on the daily either (iykyk). But when the work day is over and sometimes before it even begins, my mind is literally tired and another confined schedule of tasks is the last thing I want to do. Almost two years now I’ve been working from home and I didn’t know it’d drain me so much, to the point where I constantly feel like I’m racing against time, trying to get things done before tomorrow comes. And this week with the snow storm, I rarely go anywhere during the week as it is and not being able to leave even if I wanted to, forcing my mind into a spiral of to-do lists—hit me in a new way too. I truly joke as much as I do to keep my mind, my heart, and my spirit at ease.

So how do I combat this? The alleged lack of creativity and motivation, the lack of productivity and commitment? Well, I opened up and one friend surely encouraged me last night and in that moment, her words were enough for me: “give yourself a break; you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” 

And only God knew, that was really the reminder I needed. While I was having this conversation and going on and on about where I feel like I’m lacking and all that I’m not doing, as soon as I stopped blabbing, she corrected me and reminded me to look at all that I’ve done already. To look at how far I’ve come, despite every reason I’ve had to give up and walk away. To look at the ways I’ve inspired her along with many others with my writing alone. And it really brought tears to my eyes because for a moment, I had forgot. 

Comparison really is the thief of joy. We become our harshest critics when we begin to look around instead of looking up. And truthfully, that’s been the source of my discontentment. From my perspective, I’m doing the worst; but from her perspective, I’m doing my best. And I find it so interesting yet comforting that what we often think of ourselves is the total opposite of what others see. Sounds very much like some One else I know. 

So I say alllll this to say, if you’re in a place like me and feel like there’s more you could be or should be doing, give yourself a break—you’re exactly where you’re suppose to be. And probably already doing more than you realize. Don’t rush yourself. And don’t beat yourself up either. Just be you. Be present. And trust your process. Find joy in the little things and do what makes your heart happy. Surround yourself with people you trust and let them be an encouragement to you. Make plain to God your heart’s desires and trust Him to deliver them in His great timing. I know He will :)

Until next time . . 

“For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭(AMP‬)

p.s. love ya angie b! ;)

Build My Life

Written: 12/28/2021

Today I did something I don’t think I’ve ever done before. During prayer, I felt a tug to grab my bible and I held it close, tightly to my chest. As I held it, the more the tears began to fall. The tighter I held it, the closer I felt… to God.. to His strength.. to His peace.. to His power. For it to be the last week of the year, I feel myself experiencing emotions I fought hard not to get caught in—depression and anger, most of all. The past two years, the last three months of the year were the hardest, ever. I was determined to not let that be the case this year. Though life’s circumstances surely warranted it, I decided that this year would be different. And so it was.. so it has been. The joy I’ve felt in this (holiday) season has been the greatest I’ve felt in years. There was so much to look forward to—weddings, traveling, teaching, time with family and friends—it truly overflowed my cup. This year, I tapped into a confidence and security that I have never known and I can only thank God for it. Nevertheless, the past few days, I’ve found myself in desperate need of Him like never before. It’s as if He’s said, “now that that’s all over, I know what you really need. Here I am.” 

I mean.. who am I that He’s so mindful of me? No matter how strong I try to be, it really doesn’t compare; I am still in need of the One who is stronger. In my weakness, I realized that this isn’t the first time I’ve needed my Father and surely won’t be the last. I mean, I’m only 27 years old—there’s way more to life than what I’m currently facing, right? And surprisingly enough, I found comfort in that. My God has been with me before, He’s with me now, and He’ll be there with me then. His Word is true and as long as I hold it close, every word will forever be true. No matter what I face, my prayer is that The Word will always be where I run first; whether I’m on the mountain top or in the valley low, whether I’m sick in my body or fully healed, whether I’m in need or lacking nothing, I would always hope to seek Him first. It’s tempting to fall away when life gets tough, I surely had my moments where running away seemed like the safest option. Where life with God, where it doesn’t hurt, seemed better than life on Earth. Finding comfort in the things of this world, even; but as for me, I decided His Word would be my hiding place instead. Wherever He is, is where I want to be. Nothing else satisfies, nothing else fulfills. 

As the year closes, there’s a song that’s been on repeat. It’s my declaration for these last few hours, even more for the year to come. I expected so much for 2021, 2020 was a whirlwind; yet this year blew me for a whooooole other loop. Between adjusting to a new work schedule, starting my masters program, struggling to find time for God and everything in between, life felt out of control and I didn’t know what to do to get back on track. I faced an all time low, where going to sleep was hard and waking up was even harder. Sure enough though, I found my way. I don’t know what next year will hold, and quite frankly, I have no other hope or expectation other that whatever the Lord has for me. Nothing else matters if I’m not where He is. Because I will build my life upon His love, it is a firm foundation. I will put my trust in Him alone, and I will not be shaken. Wanna know what else? All other ground is sinking sand.. on Christ the Solid Rock I stand.  (this is the Tribl version btw, thank me later for the praise break).

I held my bible close as these words played in the background because in that moment, I believed that nothing else could get me through but His Word. That there was nothing I would rather build my life upon than His Word. I may not be able to see what’s next, I may feel like I’m walking in to a new year blindfolded; but I tell you THIS WORD will be my guide. I know Him for myself and no matter what changes in my life, this one thing never will. I’m walking this narrow path; I’m running this race; I’m fighting this fight. You can hit me with your best shot, devil. But I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’m standing on a firm foundation, and I will NEVER be shaken.🎶

That’s my year in a post. You’ll see more of me in the next. 

Until next time . .

“And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” - Matthew‬ ‭16:18‬ ‭(KJV‬‬)

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.” - Matthew‬ ‭7:24-27‬ ‭(KJV‬‬)

song reference: Tribl - Build My Life

Moving Forward

And that’s pretty much it. The past year has been full of ups and downs, and this by far, was not something I ever imagined happening. But it goes to show just how strong the power of influence can be and the effect it can have if healthy boundaries aren’t in place. As humans we are forever changing, and trusting or depending solely on one person can be dangerous. I mentioned before that I took pride in having someone “for myself,” because it made me look at other relationships as if I didn’t need them; I faced rejection from others, and so finally making a connection with  someone who accepted me for who I was, was exciting for me. I didn’t have to force it, it was happening naturally. And initially, I didn’t feel like my presence wasn’t wanted whenever I was around. But it wasn’t until the change started happening and I realized that I was just filling a void that only God Himself can fill. 

There were moments where I thought of pulling back a little, moments where I thought, maybe we’re both starting to depend on each other a little too much. Whether her reasons for allowing the relationship to become what it was were the same as mine or not, I ultimately learned that the One person we(as people) should be putting our utmost faith and trust in is God. This isn’t to say we can’t have deep, intimate relationships with one another, but it is to say that if you’re not secure in your relationship with God first, you may want to re-evaluate. What insecurities are you hiding or running from with your relationships? What empty spaces in your heart/mind are you filling? Are you being pushed closer to God or are you being pulled further away? We can have these close, interpersonal relationships, but if we’re not full, if we’re not confident in who we are in God, if we’re not overflowing from the love He has for us first, and these relationships suddenly change, we may find ourselves hurt and broken. 

These past four months, I’ve been learning to love myself and more importantly, I’ve been learning how to trust God more, and truthfully, it is an ongoing process(lol). A part of me still desires to have just that “one” person, physically (husbae where art thou). But I’m slowly learning that not all relationships are the same. And because of that, my relationships won’t always look like the ones you see on Instagram or like the ones you had in high school. As we get older and more mature, the quality of friend becomes so much more important than the quantity. The ones who stay through the ups and downs; the ones who support and encourage the change that results from your relationship with God; those who keep you accountable through all circumstances; those that honor God and uphold the same values and standards; those where trust, honesty, and openness are reciprocated—I don’t know about you, but those are the ones that matter to me. And when or if those foundational things begin to change, the Word of God is a solid rock on which you can stand. Now of course, this isn’t to say that relationships can’t bare change, they can—but we have to be upfront and honest with ourselves if things are changing and respectful of one another’s processes so that the transition for those involved can be slightly easier. I mean, imagine the difference it could make (I’m preaching to myself too).

So I share this all to say, if you don’t have a deep, intimate relationship with God right now, I encourage you to create one. He is never changing and He will be there through all the tosses and turns of life. I’m in no way, shape, or form presenting myself as a perfect person. I’m learning more about me everyday. But, one thing I can truthfully say today, is that I know who’s for me. And above all, if God be for me . . . :)

Until next time . . . 

P.s. to all of my readers, I love you; and I hope that if you find yourself anywhere in my words, that you would allow them to speak to you and move you closer to God. We all need Jesus. And through Him, we can draw closer to each other.