And that’s pretty much it. The past year has been full of ups and downs, and this by far, was not something I ever imagined happening. But it goes to show just how strong the power of influence can be and the effect it can have if healthy boundaries aren’t in place. As humans we are forever changing, and trusting or depending solely on one person can be dangerous. I mentioned before that I took pride in having someone “for myself,” because it made me look at other relationships as if I didn’t need them; I faced rejection from others, and so finally making a connection with someone who accepted me for who I was, was exciting for me. I didn’t have to force it, it was happening naturally. And initially, I didn’t feel like my presence wasn’t wanted whenever I was around. But it wasn’t until the change started happening and I realized that I was just filling a void that only God Himself can fill.

There were moments where I thought of pulling back a little, moments where I thought, maybe we’re both starting to depend on each other a little too much. Whether her reasons for allowing the relationship to become what it was were the same as mine or not, I ultimately learned that the One person we(as people) should be putting our utmost faith and trust in is God. This isn’t to say we can’t have deep, intimate relationships with one another, but it is to say that if you’re not secure in your relationship with God first, you may want to re-evaluate. What insecurities are you hiding or running from with your relationships? What empty spaces in your heart/mind are you filling? Are you being pushed closer to God or are you being pulled further away? We can have these close, interpersonal relationships, but if we’re not full, if we’re not confident in who we are in God, if we’re not overflowing from the love He has for us first, and these relationships suddenly change, we may find ourselves hurt and broken.

These past four months, I’ve been learning to love myself and more importantly, I’ve been learning how to trust God more, and truthfully, it is an ongoing process(lol). A part of me still desires to have just that “one” person, physically (husbae where art thou). But I’m slowly learning that not all relationships are the same. And because of that, my relationships won’t always look like the ones you see on Instagram or like the ones you had in high school. As we get older and more mature, the quality of friend becomes so much more important than the quantity. The ones who stay through the ups and downs; the ones who support and encourage the change that results from your relationship with God; those who keep you accountable through all circumstances; those that honor God and uphold the same values and standards; those where trust, honesty, and openness are reciprocated—I don’t know about you, but those are the ones that matter to me. And when or if those foundational things begin to change, the Word of God is a solid rock on which you can stand. Now of course, this isn’t to say that relationships can’t bare change, they can—but we have to be upfront and honest with ourselves if things are changing and respectful of one another’s processes so that the transition for those involved can be slightly easier. I mean, imagine the difference it could make (I’m preaching to myself too).

So I share this all to say, if you don’t have a deep, intimate relationship with God right now, I encourage you to create one. He is never changing and He will be there through all the tosses and turns of life. I’m in no way, shape, or form presenting myself as a perfect person. I’m learning more about me everyday. But, one thing I can truthfully say today, is that I know who’s for me. And above all, if God be for me . . . :)

Until next time . . .

P.s. to all of my readers, I love you; and I hope that if you find yourself anywhere in my words, that you would allow them to speak to you and move you closer to God. We all need Jesus. And through Him, we can draw closer to each other.