Looking Back

On my way to church this past Sunday, there was a sense of gratefulness that came over me. I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a great place in my life (despite last week’s post, lol). I’m not where I want to be yet, no, but I sure ain’t where I used to be and God gets all the glory. Over the past few months, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting and to be able to speak publicly on the sins I’ve committed, the changes I’ve made, and more importantly, the grace I’ve been shown, it just does something to me. I feel like I’m in a season I don’t deserve but at the same time, I’ve prepared for this. I labored for this. I praised and worshipped God for this and I am going to walk in it because it’s what He’s prepared for me!

Things could be a whole lot worse. But I only see them getting better. I may need to slow down and catch my breath at some point, but I’m not stopping the good work the Lord has began in me. It feels good to look back over the process, over the months, and to see a finished work come to life. It’s sooo gratifying. So freeing. So rewarding. In one of the IG/FB lives Sha-Lai and I did, we referenced the story of Cain and Abel and how Cain brought a less acceptable gift to God because He didn’t put His all into it. He didn’t do it with excellence. And because Abel’s gift was accepted, he instantly became envious, which I mentioned likely stemmed from his own shortcomings. And I just want to say, I believe I am in a season of doing things with excellence. Not trying to brag or anything, if I am it’s on the power of God, because Lord knows I shouldn’t be here. Nevertheless, publishing my book has taught me more about my own worth and calling. It’s aligned me even more with my purpose. And it pushes me to want to see what else I’m capable of. I doubted myself for a long time and always had a hard time viewing myself as successful. But now, I’m here. And this is just the beginning. This is just the first, of many. I don’t know where I’m going to end up, but I’ma trust God. (Words from Pastor Medina). I’m going to trust who this process is making me to be because I know with the sins I’ve committed, the changes I’ve made, and the grace I’ve been shown, there’s no going back to who I was before. Only forward moving from here.

Until next time . .

Just Flow Naturally

So I’ve been back to work for almost a month now and I think it’s starting to drain on me already. After three months of rest, you’d think I’d be ready to kick it into gear, but I feel totally exhausted. I remember thinking, maybe a few weeks before returning to work, how just weeks prior to COVID happening, I was fighting for time to rest. The weeks seemingly went by so fast, the weekends even faster, and there was just not enough time to get things done. Fast forward, and here I am feeling the same way. I may have made the mistake myself though by jumping into working overtime my second week back and that totally kicked my butt. I slowed down a little the third week and worked mainly my regular eight hours, currently doing the same this week. Yet, I still feel so tired. I feel unmotivated. I feel overwhelmed and anxious. I produced a lot during my time off and now with being back at work, my plate is full again. And I’m trying my best not to complain. God has definitely been good; I’ve heard and read tons of negative stories but my Father has kept me and those close to me from suffering and I’m grateful. 

The past few weeks have been a challenge to say the least. Even every Tuesday that has passed by, I’ve pondered on what to write about. I haven’t posted since the beginning of June and because I just published a book, a part of me was like, don’t overwhelm the people with content, Alleiah. Focus on the book. So I ignored the nudging. But, I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed blog Tuesdays. And I’ve been trying to figure out how to kick myself back into gear and I may have just done it. Creating is what I do and I have to keep striving and keep pushing if I’m going to get myself out of this sluggish 9-5 routine. The dream is, and has always been, to work for myself. Or rather, have my money work for me. So, here’s to the beginning. It’s tough now, but I know I’ll look back on this moment in a few years and be even more grateful. 

So, my encouragement for the day—if you’ve been out of a routine for the past three/four months, when it’s time to jump back in, take your time. Go slow. Pace yourself. You don’t need to “catch up,” just flow naturally. If you’re still “quarantined,” soak it in. I am surely grateful of the time I had (and I miss it, haha). And to those who never stopped working—you’re a beast. And God sees you. 

Until next time . . 

p.s. I’ve got content for y’all.. good stuff onna way..

oh one more thing, in case you forgot… #BlackLivesMatter.

Louder Than Ever Before

I had a different message prepared, but I couldn’t ignore the push to say something in regard to the racial injustices in America, especially considering the recent events involving #georgefloyd, #breonnataylor, and #ahmaudarbery. Over the past week, I’ve been concerned with, what do I even say? What do I do? And I don’t have a specific answer yet, but I feel a need now more than ever to get involved. To speak up. To use my voice, my platform, to express the emotions I’ve had over the past few days. 

I’m saddened. Angered. Heartbroken. Tired. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. You get off social media for a moment to live in the now, to rejoice, to be present, to love, to laugh. To try to navigate back into this “new normal” that we’re approaching. Then you get back on and see that the pain is still there. That our cries are louder now than ever before. That the push to speak up is louder now than ever before. That the plague of racism is being revealed on a grander scale and is in our faces, now more than ever before. And we cannot ignore it. We cannot escape it. It is not going to just pass us by. And because of that, we have to allow ourselves to feel every emotion that comes over us. Now, is not the time to bury or suppress it. Now is not the time to hide and pretend it’s not there. Now is not the time to minimize or underestimate the reality of where we are and what’s going on. I literally walked into a eyeglasses store on Monday, concerned if I would be treated differently (because I have been before) due to it being located in a predominately white area. Granted, I shop in this particular area ALL THE TIME, but my ALERTNESS is higher now than ever before. I’m observing, I’m watching, I’m waiting, and whether this is a healthy place for me to be or not, I’m not sure, but it is my(our) current reality. Everyone is under pure scrutiny right now. Anything you say or do, and even the fact if you don’t say or do anything, it matters and will expose who. you. are. If you show passion and concern for other matters and not this one, shame on you. And trust me, I know it’s tough. The pressure is on right now. And my heart hurts for the non-POC who sincerely care about us and are afraid of how to engage but I assure you, now is the time to be honest and vulnerable; whether you are admitting to your own racial biases or confessing that you didn’t understand it before but you do now. You have to do it. Only then can we come together on a united front and stimulate true change. 

As my Youth Pastor said last week in bible study, “the deformities have to be exposed before the healing can start,” and I fully believe that is what is happening in our nation today. The truth is rising. It is louder than ever before. And healing and change are on the way. It won’t happen overnight. But it will happen. So, I pray that we all take the time to feel and to reflect, and to figure out the best possible way for us to express ourselves as we all seek to stand for justice and righteousness. Now is not the time to be indifferent. And for me personally, I feel my responsibility right now is to educate myself as much as I can so that I can respond effectively. So that I can make informed decisions. I may not have all the tools nor all of the resources, but I do have a willingness and a desire to be the change I want to see. To be a voice. To be a light. We are truly living during a time that will be taught in a history class 20, 30, 40, 50 years from now and it’s so crazy to know that what was once “history” is happening all over again today. But I don’t just want to be a bystander. There are future generations depending on us and I want to know that I contributed to the change. So during this time, I’ll be reading new books and watching documentaries to deepen my understanding of the problem and praying for God to show me what it is that I can do to be a part of the solution. 

In closing, I do want to end with a few words of encouragement. This world is not our home y’all, we are just passing through. And God has a greater purpose for us all. So, hold on to His word. Hold on to His promises. Seek Him while He may be found. And let love be your highest goal. 

Until next time . . 

Don’t Force It

So, I just couldn’t let the night pass without posting something. I really had a follow up to my post from last week, but as I was writing, I began to feel like I was forcing it. I had took notes last week of the points I wanted to make, but as I was preparing, it just didn’t feel relevant anymore. I don’t know, maybe they were just revelations for me, personally? 🤷🏽‍♀️ Last week, I talked about envy and my recent encounter with it and during my time of reflection, I asked myself the question, at what cost am I willing to gain the glory of another person? And funny, I saw a post on instagram today that read, “remove your eyes from someone else’s achievements. That glory you see has a story you may not have survived if it was your battle.” And I thought, welp, that pretty much sums up everything I was going to say. * mic drop *

So, I could say more but I think I’m going to leave it at that. This is just something to post and prayerfully, I’ll have more for you next week. In the meantime, if you’re ready for a new series, hit the heart button below. If I can get 25 likes, I just may start it next week. 

P.s. I’ll be live this weekend on Her Healed Heart’s FB page, a platform created for women empowerment, as a guest speaker and would love to have you all tune in. I’ll be talking about my recent blog series, A Hopeless Romantic, and I’m super excited about and grateful for this opportunity. So, go like the page and/or add me on FB to be notified! It’s this Saturday, 5/30/2020 @ 5:30p CST/6:30p EST. Hope to see you all there!

Until next time . .