I saw a post on Instagram last night and it read something so simple, yet so powerful: God loves you so much. And for whatever reason, that hit me so deep. That simple reminder gave me so much comfort and hope, because though my days have seemed long and hard, His love has been my anchor.

Very transparent moment, this past month has too, been soooo emotionally and mentally overwhelming, like heavier than I’ve ever experienced, but God as my solid rock has gotten me through day after day after day. To be even more honest, throughout this time, I’ve felt the least productive, the least motivated, the least excited about so much and personally, it hurts. However, when I read the words “God loves you so much,” the thought that I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be came to mind. That it’s okay to be where I am and that God loves me the same. And when I tell y’all, I needed that reminder—the comfort in just knowing that God loves me right where I am? Man... Truthfully, the past couple of months have been filled with just going through the motions, literally just trying to make it day after day without breaking down. My weeks have been filled with anxiety, grief, heartache, anger, depression and truly . . I am worn out. But I refuse to give up or to give in to the pressure.

This transitional season that I’m in right now is a tough one, but I know and trust that it is preparing me for what God has next for me. Yes, for those who don’t officially know, I have moved into my own apartment—which is something to be excited about(don’t get me wrong, I am) but you’d have to know the full story to understand why my emotions aren’t exactly where they should be. This was a big faith move for me and the reality of it all is still settling in. I feel like I’m on some getaway and will soon have to return back to life as before; but no. This is a new beginning. A fresh start. And honestly, as liberating as it is, I’m still having a hard time embracing this new direction, knowing that there is no “going back,” but that I am now truly in a new chapter of my life. I fought so long to keep myself together until I got here but now, it’s time to let my guard down. So much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and as much as I’ve tried to take care of other people, it is time for me to let God take care of me.

It’s been a little uncomfortable however, to still be in a place mentally, where it feels like nothing is working; like time is just passing me by despite the recent changes in my life; but just maybe this is God doing His best work in me. Maybe it’s just a test to see if I’ll stay faithful. Maybe it’s to draw me closer to Him because without Him, who knows where I’d be. Maybe it’s to give me a testimony that will give someone else hope for a better future. Maybe . . He’s just writing my story. And this is my time to just “settle in.” Whatever it is, I’m holding on to His promises. I know that this too shall pass; that trouble won’t last always; that weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

How do I know this, you ask?

Because He loves me so much.

Therefore, I’m letting go of the expectations of where I think I should be or what I think I should be doing or how I think my life should look. After all I’ve experienced and suffered this year, this is my time to release; to purge away all things old and make way for all things new.

I don’t know how much time I need nor how soon I’ll be back. But when I return, I’ll be better. I was talking to a friend the other day and one thing she mentioned was that walking in to 2021 “whole,” or “in your right mind,” is a win. So, that’s all that I’m aiming to do and truthfully, that’s enough for me.

Until next time . .