The Goodness of God

When the goodness of God has been chasing you down, at some point you just have to stop running and let it catch you. For the past four months, I have literally been running from the very blessings I know that God has prepared for me. The decisions I’ve made for myself have proven to be good for me, yet I have had the hardest time trusting and fully surrendering to those decisions. God still, however, has not let go nor given up and truth be told, I’m just about as tired as He is of waiting on me to show up. Waiting to walk in purpose and prosperity. Waiting for things to work out and come together when all along, they already are. 

I’ve made two big decisions recently that put me in the most challenging transition I have ever faced. One you could probably guess, if you know me. The other, you may be able to guess that one too if you know me, know me. But for those who are wondering; to those who thought last year’s break up was the story of the year. I’ve got so much more for you. 

I’ve held back on telling this story because a part of me was hoping that I wouldn’t have to. A part of me was still holding on.. hoping.. waiting.. expecting.. for something that may never come. Another part of me was afraid.. fearful of what others may think or say. But, it stops here. The Lord’s goodness is chasing me down and it is time for me to grab a hold of it. 

So go along with me if you will, for the next few weeks, as I share my heart about the hardest lost I never saw coming.

Until next time . .

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.” - Psalm‬ ‭23:6‬ ‭(KJV‬)

All Things New

I saw a post on Instagram last night and it read something so simple, yet so powerful: God loves you so much. And for whatever reason, that hit me so deep. That simple reminder gave me so much comfort and hope, because though my days have seemed long and hard, His love has been my anchor. 

Very transparent moment, this past month has too, been soooo emotionally and mentally overwhelming, like heavier than I’ve ever experienced, but God as my solid rock has gotten me through day after day after day. To be even more honest, throughout this time, I’ve felt the least productive, the least motivated, the least excited about so much and personally, it hurts. However, when I read the words “God loves you so much,” the thought that I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be came to mind. That it’s okay to be where I am and that God loves me the same. And when I tell y’all, I needed that reminder—the comfort in just knowing that God loves me right where I am? Man... Truthfully, the past couple of months have been filled with just going through the motions, literally just trying to make it day after day without breaking down. My weeks have been filled with anxiety, grief, heartache, anger, depression and truly . .  I am worn out. But I refuse to give up or to give in to the pressure. 

This transitional season that I’m in right now is a tough one, but I know and trust that it is preparing me for what God has next for me. Yes, for those who don’t officially know, I have moved into my own apartment—which is something to be excited about(don’t get me wrong, I am) but you’d have to know the full story to understand why my emotions aren’t exactly where they should be. This was a big faith move for me and the reality of it all is still settling in. I feel like I’m on some getaway and will soon have to return back to life as before; but no. This is a new beginning. A fresh start. And honestly, as liberating as it is, I’m still having a hard time embracing this new direction, knowing that there is no “going back,” but that I am now truly in a new chapter of my life. I fought so long to keep myself together until I got here but now, it’s time to let my guard down. So much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and as much as I’ve tried to take care of other people, it is time for me to let God take care of me.

It’s been a little uncomfortable however, to still be in a place mentally, where it feels like nothing is working; like time is just passing me by despite the recent changes in my life; but just maybe this is God doing His best work in me. Maybe it’s just a test to see if I’ll stay faithful. Maybe it’s to draw me closer to Him because without Him, who knows where I’d be. Maybe it’s to give me a testimony that will give someone else hope for a better future. Maybe . . He’s just writing my story. And this is my time to just “settle in.” Whatever it is, I’m holding on to His promises. I know that this too shall pass; that trouble won’t last always; that weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. 

How do I know this, you ask? 

Because He loves me so much. 

Therefore, I’m letting go of the expectations of where I think I should be or what I think I should be doing or how I think my life should look. After all I’ve experienced and suffered this year, this is my time to release; to purge away all things old and make way for all things new.

I don’t know how much time I need nor how soon I’ll be back. But when I return, I’ll be better. I was talking to a friend the other day and one thing she mentioned was that walking in to 2021 “whole,” or “in your right mind,” is a win. So, that’s all that I’m aiming to do and truthfully, that’s enough for me.

Until next time . . 

The Final Countdown pt. II

Well, I surely didn’t imagine 2020 being what it was when I wrote the first part to this post a year ago. I remember feeling overwhelmed with what I hadn’t done yet, but looking forward to what God would do with what I did and man, so much has changed. In just a year’s time. 

If I’m honest, my heart is overwhelmed yet again as I write this, because this year is not ending how I expected. Despite the tough roads I’ve hit throughout the year, the end of the year always seems to be the hardest. A lot of good has occurred in this year too now though, I want to be sure to acknowledge that. And God’s not done yet. However, what I’m (currently) learning is that God does not care how much we plan, how much time we put into something, or how much we expect things to be a certain way. If there is something He wants done, He is sure to make it happen. No matter how uncomfortable it makes us; no matter how much pain it may cause us; no matter the whirlwind of emotions it sends us through trying to figure out why or how. He is the God of all power and He will do whatever for His will to be done. And most times, if not all the time, it’s better to just fall in line than to question or resist. 

I tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ve ever been this uncomfortable. The pain I’ve been feeling, almost unbearable. Nothing physical; just all mental and emotional. The past couple of months have been heavy and honestly, as humans, we can only hold on to so much before we explode. Or breakdown. This final push of the year, God has been doing work to ensure that we(I) see crystal clear. So much changing around me; so much changing in me. I don’t understand it now, but . . if or when it’s meant for me to know, I’m sure He’ll tell me. For now, my only assignment is to continue to seek His word and let Him build my faith. 

So my piece of encouragement for this week is the same that I’ve been given myself for the past week: 

do it scared. 

i really wanna emphasize this so I’m gonna say it again… do. it. SCARED.

We don’t grow in our comfort zones. And we surely don’t grow by not taking risks. Sometimes we(again, I) want to wait until the details are all figured out or until all the numbers add up. Let me tell you, you’ll be waiting. There’s no better time than now. If your peace, your happiness, your joy, is dependent upon one crazy decision—do it scared. I’ve recently made a huge decision in my life that I thought would be a little further off, but again . . there was no better time than now. So whatever that decision may be for you, I pray that this gives you that final push to do it. I’ll be sure to share with you what mine was next week. 

Until next time . . . 

P.s. thank you to all of my friends that have been there supporting me over the past few weeks. Your support along with the grace of God has kept me and I am forever grateful. 

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” - 2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ (‭KJV‬)

““My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” - Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬ ‭(NLT‬‬)

“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” - Proverbs‬ ‭19:21‬ ‭(NLT‬)

Psalm 27

So this week, I couldn’t help but to think about how just last week, or more so the week before that, I was in a dark place that I felt like I would never get out of. I cried to the Lord, “how did I even get here?” And reflecting on where I am now—more joyful, more confident, more assured—I asked myself again, how did I get here? And the answer was . . prayer. 

When I was going through that dark place, it was hard to remind myself that this won’t last. That this won’t be forever. Nevertheless, though it felt like it would never end, I knew that it would. Prayer—getting in to the presence of the Lord—was my saving grace. Prayer is our safety. It is our comfort. Our peace, our strength. It is our restoration. It is where our protection lies, and in prayer, we can trust that God hears us and more importantly, because He hears us, we can also rest assured that He is also fighting for us. And the scripture that was on my heart as I was thinking about this was Psalm 27. 

In Psalm 27:4(AMP), David says, “One thing I have asked of the LORD, and that I will seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD [in His presence] all the days of my life, To gaze upon the beauty [the delightful loveliness and majestic grandeur] of the LORD And to meditate in His temple.” And honestly, the whole Psalm is a powerful one, I won’t quote the entire passage (lol)—however, as I was reading through it, the thought of not getting comfortable came to mind. Yes, it feels better to be back in a good space—joyful, restful—however, as children of God, we already know (or should be at least aware) that our good times won’t last always either. Not to be negative or anything, but even scripture says so(references below). Not only that, but the devil is also seeking, waiting for you to let your guard down, so that He can sneak in and disturb you again. Despite that though, as I meditated on Psalm 27, I felt empowered, because there was a sense of God’s power that came over me and I thought just as sure as He got me through the last trial, I know He’ll get me through the next. 

so I say this to say: 

Don’t be afraid of the trials. Don’t be afraid of the bad times. As David said, “The LORD is my light and my salvation— Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the refuge and fortress of my life— Whom shall I dread?” (Psalm 27:1-2). If our primary focus is to be in the presence of the Lord(ALL the days of our lives), we can count on Him to get us through anything that comes our way. We can trust that He is present during the good times and the bad; through the valley and on the mountain top. So don’t shy away from or resist the changes and challenges that are to come, don’t stop asking God to use you, to break you or to send you just because you “feel better.” I know it’s easier said than done, I get it; it was a challenge for me too, but I challenge you as well, to truly desire to dwell in the presence of the Lord—giving Him praises through the good and the bad, trusting Him fully as your light and your salvation. Don’t get comfortable and let your guard down. David said, “I would have despaired had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living” (Psalms‬ ‭27:13‬ ‭(AMP‬‬)). Without God, in this dark world, we surely would have no where to put our hope; we’d have no One we could depend on forever. But with God, we can always find comfort in knowing that the goodness of the Lord will soon be ours. Therefore, above all, if you do one thing in this life, seek to be in the presence of the Lord.

Until next time . . 

“On a good day, enjoy yourself; On a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days So that we won’t take anything for granted.” - Ecclesiastes‬ ‭7:14‬ ‭(MSG‬‬)

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” - James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ ‭(MSG‬‬)

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” - John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭(NLT‬‬)

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:” - ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭(KJV‬‬)