a hopeless romantic pt.V: Truth Revealed
As stated in Part IV, our little dancing went on for months. And I’m not saying this to boast or brag, because being deceitful and disobedient are definitely not the will of God, however, we played our parts so well that our leadership was ready to ‘hook us up,’ if you will. It was now September, three months later from our first encounter, and on yet another Wednesday night after class, I was pulled aside to discuss the possibility of taking the next step with this person. They knew I liked him and that he liked me and so now with a mutual interest, we could move forward. (sidebar: In our private conversations, I would often tell the guy if he wanted me he had to go about it the right way. Contrarily, us talking outside of church clearly showed that neither of us were really committed to ‘going about it the right way’. A part of me felt like that kept me blameless in our game of fire, yet it made me just as guilty).
As I was sitting in conversation with my leadership, I couldn’t help but to think that I had gotten this far on a lie. Do I say something, do I not say something, I pondered. They don’t know that we’ve already discovered on our own our mutual likeness of each other. They don’t know that we’ve been messaging back and forth over the past three months. They don’t know that he’s come to my job to visit me alone not once, but twice. They don’t know . . . & before I knew it, a question was asked in regards to his kids and I responded by referencing a conversation him and I had recently . . . through facebook messenger. And that’s when I got burnt. Now remind you, I formed in my mind that it wasn’t “texting,” so I should have been okay to disclose that piece of information, right? Yet at the same time I knew that there would be a consequence to follow it as well. What would happen next? We were told that we couldn’t be trusted, that we needed to cut all communication going forward and that maybe in a few months we could try it again if the like was still there. Though what was wrong felt right, a part of me was relieved when it was all over. My conscious was clear and I didn’t have to feel bad anymore. Someway somehow though, telling the truth set up yet another desperate trap for me . .
Until next time . .